Category Archives: Relationship

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Tips On Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

Long distance relationship may be tough but it has surprises too. the how to keep your love alive and strong ? here are the tips to make your long distance relationship work and success, find it

  1. Avoid excessive communication.

It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples thought that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of “loving.” Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.

  1. See it as a opportunity.

“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous

View it as a learning journey for the both of you. See it as a test of your love for each other. As the Chinese saying goes, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,

“I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4

  1. Set some ground rules to manage your expectations.

Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of with each other during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise. For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.

  1. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.

Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happening, however mundane some of the things may seem. To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to.

  1. Talk dirty with each other.

Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. Sexual desire is like a glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Not only is sex a biological need, it is an emotional one as well. Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.

  1. Avoid “dangerous” situations.

If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand so as to reassure him/her. Don’t be careless about this sort of matter because your partner is only going to be extra worried or extra suspicious, and of course, very upset, because you are putting him/her in a position where he/she feels extra powerless/lacking in control.

Also, It could be easy for you to fall into the trap which you, unconsciously or not, set up for yourself by “hanging out” with your office eye-candy after work, or going out with a girl or guy from your past who has been flirting with you. You need to recognize the dangers before entering into the situation. Don’t just listen to your heart. Listen to your mind too.

  1. Do things together.

Play an online game together. Watch a documentary on YouTube or Vimeo at the same time. Sing to each other on Skype while one of you plays the guitar. “Take a walk together” outside while video-calling each other. Go online-shopping together — and buy each other gifts (See #13). You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.

 

Reducing Stress at Work is Simple

Understanding the causes and effects of workplace stress is important to developing strategies for change. Feeling trapped and without choices is perhaps the greatest stressor of all.

There are two ways to approach stress management in the workplace. You can reduce environmental stressors in the workplace and/or change your response to this stress. Discussing your concerns and suggestions with a supervisor often yields positive results.

My suggestions for change include:

  • Be appropriately assertive and don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and limits; say no when necessary.
  • Recognize that stressful situations often result from someone else’s inefficiency and tendency to manage by reactive, crisis techniques rather than proactive postures.
  • Personal problems can cause individuals to function in an unhealthy way. In these situations, recognize that you did not cause the problems and are not responsible for their consequences. Seek support from others in order to clarify your position and avoid being a scapegoat.
  • Practice relaxation skills and avoid using unhealthy escape mechanisms such as alcohol or drugs. Exercise is an excellent way to deal with stress and the biochemical effects of tension and pressure. Take a brisk walk at lunch or exercise regularly after work.
  • Become more efficient with your time and learn to avoid “time-wasters” such as unnecessary phone calls, “drop-ins”, and gossiping. Strive to maintain a focus and agenda, and be a leader who is committed to keep things moving during meetings.

If your stressful workplace situation is unchangeable, and the toll it is taking on you is too great, then seeking options of other employment may be necessary. Changing jobs for the right reason is nothing to be ashamed of and may lead to a much healthier situation in the long run.

Are your relationship so healthy

Every relationship is different, but there are a few characteristics that make healthy relationships possible.

Mutual respect

  • You can say “no” without feeling guilty about it.
  • Your partner does not try to change or control you when you disagree.
  • You and your partner acknowledge how great the other person is.
  • Mistakes are accepted and learned from.
  • Boundaries are respected and your partner listens to you.

Support

  • You and your partner are there for each other to celebrate when things are going well and to help when things are not going well.

Trust/honesty

  • You trust each other. You feel trust and you have reason to trust. You each work hard to be trustworthy for the other.
  • You feel safe and comfortable with each other.
  • There is a willingness to take risks and be vulnerable.
  • You and your partner are honest with each other.

Good communication

  • Communication is open and spontaneous. You listen to each other and feel that you are heard. You make decisions together.
  • You can express your feelings without fear of your partner’s reactions.
  • Feelings and needs are expressed, appreciated, and respected by both.
  • Conflict is faced directly and resolved with win-win outcomes.
  • Rules and boundaries are clear and defined, yet allow for flexibility if you desire change. Both of you feel free to express your needs.

Separate identities

  • You can be together as a couple without losing your sense of self. Each person feels self-confident and secure in his/her own worth.
  • Personal growth, change, and exploration are encouraged for each and by each partner.
  • Each person can enjoy being alone and requests for privacy are respected.

Fairness/equality

  • Partners are fair when they work things out.
  • Tolerance — forgiveness of self and others — is present.
  • You each take responsibility for your own behaviors and happiness. One doesn’t blame the other for feelings or things that happen.
  • You are able to let go of the need to “be right.”
  • There is a balance of giving and receiving in your relationship. Equality is both affirmed and celebrated.

How to Understanding love relationships

Feeling loved is nature. There is no quicker or more effective way to override too much stress and upset than positive face to face communication with someone that makes you feel safe, understood and care to you.

Falling in love is often an experience that seems to just happen to us but preserving the “falling in love” experience takes commitment and effort. Given its rewards, though, it’s well worth the effort.

Here are some of things neuroscience has taught us about preserving the falling in love experience—perhaps for a lifetime:

  • Be willing to invest quality time, energy, and focus in your relationship. This may not be easy given the demands of work, career, parenting, and the need we all have for time to ourselves. Failure to invest in the ones we love results not only in the loss of pleasure but in lost opportunities for health and overall well-being.
  • Communicate what you feel as well as what you think. Emotional communication is the language of love. When we experience positive emotional cues we feel safe and happy, and when we send positive emotional cues to others, they feel the same.
  • Don’t be afraid of disagreement—see it as an opportunity to grow the relationship. Some couples talk quietly, while others raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key is not to be fearful of disagreement. Everyone needs to express things that bother them without fear of humiliation or retaliation. Couples who do this learn a great deal that helps them improve themselves and the relationship
  • Enriching the relationship with outside interests. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Bringing positive energy from family, friends, and outside interests into a relationship can stimulate and enrich it.

The Secrets to Make Happy Couples

images (9)They might be 30 or 75 years old. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been together. Whatever all about it, when you see a happy couple, you just know about it

How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn’t through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship “musts.” Because few couples know about all of the musts, I think of them as the relationship “secrets.”

Happy Couples and Their Secrets

1. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships.

Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.

2. Work on the relationship.

An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill.

3. Spend time together.

There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.

4. Make room for “separateness.”

Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you.

5. Make the most of your differences.

Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I’ll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It’s likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team.

6. Don’t expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want.

If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other person wants, even if it doesn’t come naturally. For instance, instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher, try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort themselves around the house. If you do both of these things at once you’ve got a winning plan!

7. Accept that some problems can’t be solved.

There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how they choose to work through such issues — through compromise, change, or finding it’s just not that important to stew over.

Planning for remarriage

A marriage that brings with it children from a previous marriage presents. Such families should consider three key issues as they plan for remarriage:

  • Financial and living arrangements. Adults should agree on where they will live and how they will share their money. Most often partners embarking on a second marriage report that moving into a new home, rather than one of the partner’s prior residences, is advantageous because the new environment becomes “their home.” Couples also should decide whether they want to keep their money separate or share it. Couples who have used the “one-pot” method generally reported higher family satisfaction than those who kept their money separate.
  • Resolving feelings and concerns about the previous marriage. Remarriage may resurrect old, unresolved anger and hurts from the previous marriage, for adults and children. For example, hearing that her parent is getting remarried, a child is forced to give up hope that the custodial parents will reconcile. Or a woman may exacerbate a stormy relationship with her ex-husband, after learning of his plans to remarry, because she feels hurt or angry.
  • Anticipating parenting changes and decisions. Couples should discuss the role the stepparent will play in raising their new spouse’s children, as well as changes in household rules that may have to be made. Even if the couple lived together before marriage, the children are likely to respond to the stepparent differently after remarriage because the stepparent has now assumed an official parental role.

Marriage quality

While newlywed couples without children usually use the first months of marriage to build on their relationship, couples with children are often more consumed with the demands of their kids.

Young children, for example, may feel a sense of abandonment or competition as their parent devotes more time and energy to the new spouse. Adolescents are at a developmental stage where they are more sensitive to expressions of affection and sexuality, and may be disturbed by an active romance in their family.

Couples should make priority time for each other, by either making regular dates or taking trips without the children.

Parenting in stepfamilies

The most difficult aspect of stepfamily life is parenting. Forming a stepfamily with young children may be easier than forming one with adolescent children due to the differing developmental stages.

Adolescents, however, would rather separate from the family as they form their own identities.

Recent research suggests that younger adolescents (age 10-14) may have the most difficult time adjusting to a stepfamily. Older adolescents (age 15 and older) need less parenting and may have less investment in stepfamily life, while younger children (under age 10) are usually more accepting of a new adult in the family, particularly when the adult is a positive influence. Young adolescents, who are forming their own identities tend to be a bit more difficult to deal with.

Stepparents should at first establish a relationship with the children that is more akin to a friend or “camp counselor,” rather than a disciplinarian. Couples can also agree that the custodial parent remain primarily responsible for control and discipline of the children until the stepparent and children develop a solid bond.

Until stepparents can take on more parenting responsibilities, they can simply monitor the children’s behavior and activities and keep their spouses informed.

Families might want to develop a list of household rules. These may include, for example, “We agree to respect each family member” or “Every family member agrees to clean up after him or herself.”

Stepparent-child relations

While new stepparents may want to jump right in and to establish a close relationship with stepchildren, they should consider the child’s emotional status and gender first.

Both boys and girls in stepfamilies have reported that they prefer verbal affection, such as praises or compliments, rather than physical closeness, such as hugs and kisses. Girls especially say they’re uncomfortable with physical shows of affection from their stepfather. Overall, boys appear to accept a stepfather more quickly than girls.

Nonresidential parent issues

After a divorce, children usually adjust better to their new lives when the parent who has moved out visits consistently and has maintained a good relationship with them.

But once parents remarry, they often decrease or maintain low levels of contact with their children. Fathers appear to be the worst perpetrators: On average, dads drop their visits to their children by half within the first year of remarriage.

The less a parent visits, the more a child is likely to feel abandoned. Parents should reconnect by developing special activities that involve only the children and parent.

Parents shouldn’t speak against their ex-spouses in front of the child because it undermines the child’s self-esteem and may even put the child in a position of defending a parent.

Under the best conditions, it may take two to four years for a new stepfamily to adjust to living together. And seeing a psychologist can help the process can go more smoothly.

Thanks to James Bray, PhD, a researcher and clinician at the department of family medicine at Baylor College of Medicine.

What is the useful of your marriege

If you are worried about the future of your marriage or relationship, you have plenty of company. What makes-the numbers even more disturbing is that no one seems to understand why our marriages have become so nice.

In pursuit of the truth about what tears a marriage apart or binds it together, I have found that much of the conventional wisdom–even among marital therapists–is either misguided or dead wrong. For example, some marital patterns that even professionals often take as a sign of a problem–such as having intense fights or avoiding conflict altogether–I have found can signify highly successful adjustments that will keep a couple together. Fighting, when it airs grievances and complaints, can be one of the healthiest things a couple can do for their relationship.

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned in my years of research into marital relationships–having interviewed and studied more than 200 couples over 20 years–it is that a lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship. Many couples tend to equate a low level of conflict with happiness and believe the claim “we never fight” is a sign of marital health. But I believe we grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences. That’s how we become more loving people and truly experience the fruits of marriage.

Although there are other dimensions that are telling about a union, the intensity of argument seems to bring out a marriage’s true colors. To classify a marriage, in my lab at the University of Washington in Seattle, I look at the frequency of fights, the facial expressions and physiological responses (such as pulse rate and amount of sweating) of both partners during their confrontations, as well as what they say to each other and in what tone of voice they interact verbally.

But there’s much more to a successful relationship than knowing how to fight well. Not all stable couples resolve conflicts in the same way, nor do they mean the same thing by “resolving” their conflict. In fact, I have found that there are three different styles of problem solving into which healthy marriages tend to settle:

o Validating. Couples compromise often and calmly work out their problems to mutual satisfaction as they arise.

o Volatile. Conflict erupts often, resulting in passionate disputes.

o Conflict-avoiding. Couples agree to disagree, rarely confronting their differences head-on.

Previously, many psychologists might have considered conflict-avoiding and volatile marriages to be destructive. But my research suggests that all three styles are equally stable and bode equally well for the marriage’s future.

“HEALTHY” MARRIAGE STYLES

One of the first things to go in a marriage is politeness. As laughter and validation disappear, criticism and pain well up. Your attempts to get communication back on track seem useless, and partners become lost in hostile and negative thoughts and feelings. Yet here’s the surprise: There are couples whose fights are as deafening as thunder yet who have long-lasting, happy relationships.

The following three newly married couples accurately illustrate the three distinct styles of marriage.

Bert and Betty, both 30, both came from families that weren’t very communicative, and they were determined to make communication a priority in their relationship. Although they squabbled occasionally, they usually addressed their differences before their anger boiled over. Rather than engaging in shouting matches, they dealt with their disagreements by having “conferences” in which each aired his or her perspective. Usually, they were able to arrive at a compromise.

The Best Things For Your Marriege

Many couples discover that they can renew and even revive their marriage after the kids have left home.

Acquiring an empty nest is an important milestone in your marriage and certainly triggers the need for adjustment and even reinvention – not just for you as a couple but as individuals too.

 But heh, every cloud’s got a silver lining right? So check out the many fab things about your newly empty nest:

Family Relations when the Kids have Left Home

–      You miss your kids and your kids miss you!

–      You appreciate each other more.

–      You communicate in different ways – it’s great to receive updates from the kids by phone, message, email or text – plus video calls, shared videos and photos are just the best!

–      Because you aren’t together all the time when you do meet up there’s a real buzz!

–      No more bickering kids – or at least far less of it!

Daily Living – Just the Two of You

–      There’s actually hot water when you want a shower

–      There’s no dirty laundry on the floor (unless your husband is still a culprit!)

–      It’s not on the floor because you don’t have to wash it – minimal laundry – yay!

–      You return home and the house looks exactly how you left it! No tidying or cleaning to do.

–      You only have yourselves to think of – no chauffeuring commitments, chores for the kids or family meals to make.

Money Matters

–      You may well be paying hefty tuition fees but boy the water, electricity and food bills sure seem to have shrunk!

–      That means more disposable income for YOU – Fancy a holiday? Feel like updating your house or even selling up and downsizing? How about spoiling yourselves with some new clothes? Don’t go crazy but after years of putting the kids first, if you have spare cash; spoil yourselves a little!

–      Think about the future; retirement is getting closer so now is the time to do some financial planning together.

Your Post Empty Nest Marriage

–      You have the time and the money to focus on yourselves – now you just need to remember what it was that you used to enjoy doing before the kids absorbed all your time… or discover new hobbies and past times.

–      You can have sex… any time, any where! What’s stopping you!

–      You now have more time, money and hopefully energy to focus on your marriage – so why not rediscover each other emotionally and physically. Take the opportunity to re-ignite a marriage that may have lost its spark.

Empty Nest Divorce

‘Empty nest divorces’ or ‘grey divorces’ are on the rise – in fact they have doubled in the last 20 years. Many couples ‘stay together for the sake for the sake of the kids’ and then divorce when they feel that they are no longer ‘needed’ in the same way.

But having an empty next need not be a trigger for divorce, in fact it should be quite the opposite. Why not use this transitional phase of your marriage to make new plans and grow together as a couple. Whatever your starting point, even if you have both drifted very far apart, take the time to listen to each other’s hopes and dreams for the years ahead and get excited about all that is now possible. Put the spotlight on yourselves and seek out ways to improve your marriage now that the kids have flown the nest.  May you be one of those couples who embrace an empty nest and your marriage changes for the better.

Is there a soulmate waiting for you

Is there one perfect person out there in the world for you? And, if so, how to find it ?

What is a soulmate?

When the idea of soulmates first emerged in the 1930s, it was seen almost as a magical connection between two people destined to be together. These days, we tend to think of a soulmate more as a person we can connect with and are compatible with – someone who shares the qualities that we feel are most important to us.

Does your soulmate exist?

The question of whether your soulmate exists is a very personal one. If you’re looking for someone, you may already have an idea in your mind of the important qualities they should or shouldn’t have.

Narrowing down the field like this can help give you an idea of what sort of person your ‘soulmate’ might be – their age, their interests, their hopes and dreams, and maybe even what they look like. Some of these qualities will be ‘deal-breakers’.

But here’s the exciting part: most of us don’t actually know what we’re looking for until we find it. According to relationship research, there isn’t really a specific set of factors that can accurately predict how well you’ll get along with someone. Some of your deal-breakers may even go out of the window if you find someone you really click with .

What are the odds of finding the right person?

If you choose to believe mathematician Peter Backus, the odds of running into your perfect partner are about 1 in 285,000 on any given night. That’s a pretty scary thought, so let’s break it down and see how he arrived at this figure.

In 2010, Backus wrote a paper called ‘”Why I don’t have a girlfriend” using maths to explain why it’s so difficult to meet the right partner. His theory went something like this:

  1. How many women are there who live near me? (In London -> 4 million women)
  2. How many are likely to be of the right age range? (20% -> 800,000 women)
  3. How many are likely to be single? (50% -> 400,000 women)
  4. How many are likely to have a university degree? (26% -> 104,000 women)
  5. How many are likely to be attractive? (5% -> 5,200 women)
  6. How many are likely to find me attractive? (5% -> 260 women)
  7. How many am I likely to get along well with? (10% -> 26 women)

As you can see, he left himself with just twenty-six potential partners, figuring his chances of running into one of them would be about 1 in 285,000 .

Put like this, it might seem the odds are really stacked against you, but it should all be taken with a pinch of salt – the sums were adapted from an equation devised to estimate the number of alien civilisations in our galaxy. So let’s take a look at what you can do to increase your chances.

How to find your soulmate

Hannah Fry, a slightly more optimistic mathematician, has delved a bit deeper into the figures. She says you can increase your chances of meeting the right partner by being active, getting out into the world, and approaching more people. Granted, this will probably increase your odds of being rejected, but it will ultimately increase your chances of meeting someone who ticks your boxes.

Even though our idea of soulmates is broader than it used to be, research tells us that people tend to have much higher ideals these days than in previous generations. But, despite our expectations being higher than ever, we are also happier when we enter into relationships that really work.

That doesn’t mean you won’t have to work on your relationship, as the two of you change and develop together, but the belief that your relationship is ‘meant to be’ is a good start. People who see relationships as something that can grow and improve, tend to be happier in the long run.