Monthly Archives: February 2016

How to Finding the Right Person to Dating

Do you single and looking for a couple ? then, Dating’s hard enough without the emotional baggage you may be bringing to the table.

When you’re having trouble finding a love connection, it’s all too easy to buy into the destructive myths out there about dating and relationships. That’s why you may want to start by re-assessing your beliefs and expectations about love—especially if you’ve been burned repeatedly or have a poor track record when it comes to dating.

Learning how to keep things in perspective, watch for red flags, and deal with trust issues will put you on the path to finding a loving relationship that lasts.

Obstacles to finding lasting love

Life as a single person offers many rewards, including learning how to build a healthy relationship with yourself. However, if you’re ready to share your life with someone and want to build a lasting, worthwhile relationship, life as a single person can also be very frustrating.

Finding the right romantic partner is often a difficult journey, for several reasons. Perhaps you grew up in a household where there was no role model of a solid, healthy relationship and you doubt that such a thing even exists. Or maybe your dating history consists only of short, abrupt relationships where you or your partner gets bored too soon, and you don’t know how to make a relationship last. You could be attracted to the wrong type of person or keep making the same bad choices over and over, due to an unresolved issue from your past. It’s also possible you’re not putting yourself in the best environments to meet the right person, or that when you do, you don’t feel confident enough to approach someone. Whatever the case may be, it’s important to believe that a healthy romantic relationship for you exists in the future.

It’s also important to recognize that relationships are never perfect and always require lots of work, compromise, and a willingness to resolve conflict in a positive way. To find and build any relationship worth keeping, you may need to start by re-assessing some of your misconceptions about dating and relationships that can prevent you from finding lasting love:

Common Myths About Dating and Looking for Love
Myth Reality
“I can only be happy and fulfilled if I’m in a relationship.” or “It’s better to have a bad relationship than no relationship.” While there are health benefits that come with being in a healthy relationship, many people can be just as happy and fulfilled without being part of a couple. Despite the stigma in some social circles that accompanies being single, it’s important not to enter a relationship just to “fit in.” Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. Nothing is as unhealthy and dispiriting as being in a bad relationship.
“If I don’t feel an instant attraction to someone, it’s not a relationship worth pursuing.” This is an important myth to dispel, especially if you have a history of making inappropriate choices. Instant sexual attraction and lasting love do not necessarily go hand-in-hand. Emotions can change and deepen over time, and friends sometimes become lovers—if you give those relationships a chance to develop.
“Women have different emotions than men.” Women and men feel similar things but sometimes express their feelings differently, often according to society’s conventions. But both men and women experience the same core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, and joy.
“True love is constant.” or “Physical attraction fades over time.” Love is rarely static, but that doesn’t mean love or physical attraction is doomed to fade over time. As we age, both men and women have fewer sexual hormones, but emotion often influences passion more than hormones, and sexual passion can become stronger over time.
“I’ll be able to change the things I don’t like about someone.” You can’t change anyone. People only change if and when they want to change.
“I didn’t feel close to my parents, so intimacy is always going to be uncomfortable for me.” It’s never too late to change any pattern of behavior. Over time, and with enough effort, you can change the way you think, feel, and act.
“Disagreements always create problems in a relationship.” Conflict doesn’t have to be negative or destructive. With the right resolution skills, conflict can also be an opportunity for growth in a relationship.

Expectations about dating and finding love

When we start looking for a long-term partner or enter into a romantic relationship, many of us do so with a predetermined set of (often unrealistic) expectations—such as how the person should look and behave, how the relationship should progress, and the roles each partner should fulfill. These expectations may be based on your family history, influence of your peer group, your past experiences, or even ideals portrayed in movies and TV shows. However, retaining many of these unrealistic expectations can make any potential partner seem inadequate and any new relationship feel disappointing.

Consider what’s really important when looking for love

What feels right to you?

When looking for lasting love, forget what looks right, forget what you think should be right, and forget what your friends, parents, or other people think is right, and ask yourself: Does the relationship feel right to me?

The first step to finding a suitable partner is to distinguish between what you want and what you need in a partner. Wants are negotiable, needs are not. Wants include the things you think you’d like in a partner, including occupation, intellect, and physical attributes such as height, weight, and hair color. Even if certain traits may appear to be crucially important to you at first, over time you’ll often find that you’ve been needlessly limiting your choices. For example, it may be more important, or at least as important, to find someone who is:

  • Curious rather than extremely intelligent. Curious people tend to grow smarter over time, while those who are bright may languish intellectually if they lack curiosity.
  • Sensual rather than sexy.
  • Caring rather than beautiful or handsome.
  • A little mysterious rather than glamorous.
  • Humorous rather than wealthy.
  • From a family with similar values to yours, rather than someone from a specific ethnic or social background.

Needs are different than wants in that needs are those things that matter to you most, such as values, ambitions, or goals in life. These are probably not the things you can find out about a person by eyeing them on the street, reading their profile on a dating site, or sharing a quick cocktail at a bar before last call.

How o success on your marriege

unduhan (8)Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological (tasks):

  • Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.
  • Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.
  • Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.
  • For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby’s entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.
  • Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.
  • Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.
  • Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
  • Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.
  • Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

Dating and different culture

Keeping lines of communication open can help streng then your relationship. Even if you and your couple come from different cultural backgrounds.

Historically, falling for someone from another culture might have been big trouble, but a lot has changed over the last few decades and people are generally much more accepting of young people’s choices of partner these days.

Research shows that dating across different cultures – which includes different races, ethnicities, or different faiths – has become much more common among young people and carries less stigma than it used to [1]. Some studies have shown that couples from different cultures might be more likely to experience conflict in their relationships.

Talking about these difficulties, however, not only alleviates the conflict but can actually help your relationship to develop and grow stronger [1]. In other words, having differences can be a really positive thing, as long as you celebrate them. Making an effort to understand and appreciate each other’s backgrounds can be an enriching experience that also helps you maintain your relationship quality.

If you have a partner whose religious beliefs are different to your own, you may find your differences are particularly pronounced, which could lead to more disagreements that are harder to resolve [1]. This may be because we often develop our religious beliefs from a young age, but also because we feel them strongly and can struggle to articulate them [2].

On the other hand, you may also find it’s possible to ignore your religious differences for the most part. They may not affect your romantic relationships at all until you reach major life events like marriage – when you’re younger and still exploring relationships, religion doesn’t necessarily have to be a huge issue.

Generally speaking, it’s really helpful to be open and communicative about any cultural or religious differences you have with your partner, as this can help you both feel more satisfied with your relationship.

If you’re in a relationship with someone from a different culture or religion and you haven’t talked about it yet, have a think about how you might express an interest in your partner’s background and beliefs, and see where it takes you. Let us know how you get on in the comments below.

Tips to fix the broken relationship

Relationships are so delicate and can break on minor issues and simple misunderstandings. Once broken it is a die hard task to mend the relationship and get back the same intensity of affection in the relationship.

There can be visible reasons, may be a misunderstanding or communication gap, at times it can be a mistake of someone else; fragile relationships can break over any simple cause. The cause for the easy breaks in relationships is that relationships are mind products, subjective to each person.

Many relationships are not the union of best possible matches but best available pairs, or when people misconceive the partner so. Relationships start blindly by peripheral understandings and attraction; it proceeds through adjustments, forgiveness and understanding; and breakup over misunderstandings, mistakes or lack of tolerance. Getting back into the relationship, though difficult, is possible if approached the issues with the right understanding and mind to change and mend.

To resolve any issue, understanding the reasons is important. Without knowing the root cause, relationship issues cannot be repaired. It can be a past reason which is now absent or a still persisting reason. Analyze each stages of the relationship and find out at which point what has gone wrong. Once the reasons of the break up are realized, the solution may be easy. Figuring out the element that lead to the breakup helps the partners to change it and get back into the relationship. Experts say that the process of figuring out the reasons of breakup can be much effective if made mutual.

Forgiving is Magical

Once the issues are dug out, the next step is to forgive the mistakes of both the partners. If you still hold on to the mistake committed by the partner, then it may cause another breakup in the future. Understand why the partner committed such a mistake and forgive him/her forever if you wish to take the relationship a long way further. Your forgiveness may initiate a new life and new relationship between you two. If the mistake is found to have committed by you, then be ready to change entirely to not to repeat the action and let your partner to go away forever, leaving no chance of a reunion.

Renew the Commitment

Once you are back in track, renew the commitment and let your partner know the new resolutions and decisions. Once you commit to be good to your partner and also to avoid mistakes, then adhere to the commitments. Many partners get into commitments and they forget them easily. Consistency of commitments is very much required to keep the warmth of relationships ever remaining. It is rightly said that you can never change the past; but possibly the future. Realize the past mistakes and commit to not repeat them in the future.

Change Yourself

You may not be able to change the partner as you desire; but you can very well change yourself. Changing yourself is the better way of resolving the issues and renewing the problems. The changes may make you appear more appealing and accepted by the partner. You can also try to implement certain changes in the partner but if the person is willing, then the only way is to change yourself to comply with the partner. Changing oneself doesn’t mean being submissive to the partner, but following a better way to be in a more satisfying relationship.